


The Name You Know Me By

by sweet_witch_hella_knight



Series: All Weirdos Have Stories Too [3]
Category: That Guy with the Glasses/Channel Awesome
Genre: (sort of? its people online being creepy towards her), Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Pre-Canon, a lot of personal dumping of feelings, mild parental abuse, mild sibling abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-11 01:11:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12311682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_witch_hella_knight/pseuds/sweet_witch_hella_knight
Summary: Takes place in 2012, two years prior to the events of "The Lorax" review and all that follows.Joan Despair, Skype alias "Hyper Fangirl", moves in with her internet friend Mac [from "Old Vs New Spider-Man"] and realizes how lonely she really is.





	The Name You Know Me By

**Author's Note:**

> this is the closest i've come to using hyper as a straight-up self-insert for venting, though some details are exaggerated or added due to her own specific situation in canon. "chris" is her ex-boyfriend, as explained here, and he doesn't exist in canon but he's a dick and a big part of my explanation for her warped view on relationships.
> 
> if you forgot who mac is, he's a super minor character featured here: http://thatchickwiththegifs.tumblr.com/post/86700295800/for-annotatingarchangels-x
> 
> but he's a character nonetheless and the first friend hyper is seen having. that's significant to me, goddammit.

Joan wanted to love everyone and everything that had the potential to love her back, but sometimes her brother made that very difficult.   
  
She tried to keep him out of her little space in the basement most of the time, but her parents had gotten fed up with him and dropped him off while they dealt with her new baby sister. She couldn't tell them no, even though she had been spending hours trying to finish her fanfic and was already having a bad enough block without Cliff trying to break her or her stuff. It was the least Joan could do for the people paying her rent.  
  
Cliff climbed onto her bed and started pulling on her shirt. Joan edged him off as she switched tabs from Microsoft Word to Facebook. Her feed was filled with people she had never met in real life, but had met through fandom pages and and figured would be nice to talk with about the things she loved. Granted, many of the guys she chatted and roleplayed with ended up asking to see parts of her body, but it was all in good fun and Joan loved the attention. Most of them thought she was older anyway, so it wasn't _really_ creepy.  
  
She noticed one of her friends was online, and it happened to be one of her favorite, more steamy roleplays. She opened the chat box and, appropriating the voice of Mary-Jane Watson, tried to revive the conversation, but Cliff leaned up and started looking over her shoulder.  
  
"What're you talking about?" he asked, trying to reach the keyboard.  
  
"It's private!" Joan defended herself and tried to push him off, but he wrapped his arms tightly around her neck with all the strength in his seven-year-old body. She almost liked it, since he was kind of hugging her, but she wanted to have her special _Spider-Man_  time in peace. Helplessly, she tried wrestling out of his grip, but that only encouraged him to tighten his grasp until he was nearly choking her.  
  
Joan felt around for something to bribe him with until she found her DS and handed it to Cliff. "Here, you wanna play _Pokemon?_ "  
  
Cliff smiled widely. His idea of _Pokemon_ was "animals fighting to the death" and he really loved it. "Yeah!"  
  
Once he was occupied, Joan readjusted herself and decided to go to Skype, because the roleplayer had gone offline and there was no one on Facebook worth talking to. Luckily, Skype was more promising, as she saw one of her best online friends was there. She'd been speaking to him for three years, enough to break fandom talk and maybe vent to at times, which was helpful when everyone else in the house was unavailable. He was one of the few guys she spoke to regularly who didn't try to roleplay lemon with her, even though they obviously exchanged their own smutfics every now and then, as friends do.  
  
Mac didn't know her real name or most of the details of her non-fandom life, but that actually felt better. She didn't have to stick with the more pathetic appearance she gave off in real life; her obsessive tendencies could be considered cute, and people called her smart for how she analyzed media to death instead of accusing her of "wasting her life on stupid fake shit that didn't matter".  
  
With a clear coast, Joan shot him a message.  
  
**Hyper Fangirl:** Hey mac!! <3  
**LittleBigMac:** hey hyper! how's it going?  
**Hyper Fangirl:** Not much really. Watching my brother.  
**LittleBigMac:** oh, sounds difficult, lol.  
**Hyper Fangirl:** It's not that bad! He's a cute kid, we just have that sibling rivalry thing going on, ykno?  
**LittleBigMac:** yeah i guess i understand that.  
**LittleBigMac:** wait, i thought you were still living with chris?  
  
God, why did he have to bring that guy up? Every time Joan heard that name, she just wished she was back with him, leaning into him while he talked about his artistic visions and all that, ruffling her hair and telling her she was cute if she talked about any of _her_ ideas. There were days she couldn't remember why they even broke up, other than the scene of Chris screaming at her and tearing all her posters off his walls, telling her he never wanted her in his house again. But aside from that, she really missed him.  
  
**Hyper Fangirl:** NO, we broke up, remember?  
**LittleBigMac:** oh really? that's so sad! you two were so cute together!  
**LittleBigMac:** i wish my ex and i had been that close, cuz now he doesn't want to talk to me ever again.  
**Hyper Fangirl:** We WERE! I don't really know why he doesn't like me. I thought I was really nice to him? I basically never left his side!  
**LittleBigMac:** i was kind of hoping you two were gonna get married.  
  
Did he need to rub it in? Joan was already 21 and she didn't want to think she was gonna die alone now that the one she loved had left her behind.  
Sometimes she teased the idea that maybe Mac had a crush on her, because hey, why not? It wasn't like she didn't have a crush on him- he was a dorky gentle kind of guy, fitting well into her type, and unlike her and Chris they had a lot in common. But he would have spoken up by now if that was true, right?  
  
**Hyper Fangirl:** WE SHOULD HAVE! :( :( :(  
**LittleBigMac:** that's it, from now on he's our ENEMY.  
**LittleBigMac:** i say we storm his house and hold him hostage! >:)  
**Hyper Fangirl:** LOL! Good idea, but we're probably not strong enough to do it.  
**LittleBigMac:** hire someone to do it for you.  
**Hyper Fangirl:** Yeah, with what money? I live with my parents, remember?  
**LittleBigMac:** oh ha, yeah.   
**LittleBigMac:** that reminds me actually! i'm having a bit of trouble paying rent lately, and looking for a roomie.  
**LittleBigMac:** kind of awkward to ask, but would you ever consider coming to live with me? i know you live in chicago, and you're one of my online BFFs! it could be fun. :D  
  
Wow, this was a pretty big offer, and one Joan had to mull over. She loved Mac, because not many other people were willing to tolerate her fandom talk and her romantic passions. But she didn't want to leave her family behind either.  
  
Sure, they didn't talk very much, and sometimes her mom called her weird and her dad took her things without asking and refused to let her keep them, not to mention her sibling rivalry with her brother. But they were her family, and they were the only ones who had really been there for her her whole life. If she left, she might not have as many people supporting her, and she might not be able to live out there on her own.   
  
But living with Mac wasn't on her own. It was with her best friend. And who knew? Maybe once they lived together, Mac would realize he had feelings for her, and it would be the best-friends-to-lovers trope she had always dreamed of fulfilling (but then again, she'd dreamed of fulfilling most of the romantic fanfiction tropes- it helped her write, at least).   
  
She tapped away at her keyboard.  
  
**Hyper Fangirl:** You know that actually sounds like a cool idea!! <3  
**LittleBigMac:**  awesome! knew i could count on you.  
**Hyper Fangirl:** Well you're always there for ME.   
**LittleBigMac:** aw. <3 i'll send you some pictures of the guest room and you can see if it's something you're into.  
  
Heart emoticon!! Maybe she was getting too excited over something as commonly employed as a heart emoticon, but there was always a possibility!!!  
  
_Okay, calm down. Look at the pictures he sent and see if they look cool,_ she thought to herself. She opened her e-mail, saw his message, opened it and clicked the files. Mac's apartment was nothing special, but it looked a lot less messy than her own room, with enough room to keep all her important merch she couldn't leave behind. Mac had his own fandom stuff up too- _Iron Man_ posters and a little figurine shelf akin to what she had. She would love being able to live with someone she could rant to about everything she loved in _real life._ Chris had never really been able to reciprocate the conversation, and that was probably why he wanted to see other girls. Again, could be the key to starting something with Mac!

 **Hyper Fangirl:** OMG. Your house really does look cool!  
**LittleBigMac:** really? i think it still needs a bit of renovation...  
**Hyper Fangirl:** No it's fine! It's perfect!  
  
She practically grabbed her own hand to stop herself from tacking "YOU'RE perfect" onto that message.  
  
**LittleBigMac:** i'll be ready to move you in by saturday, is that cool by you?  
**Hyper Fangirl:** Oh totally! I can't wait!!!  <3  
**Hyper Fangirl:** I just gotta let my parents know first.  
  
Joan rushed upstairs to the living room. Her mom was half awake, barely holding onto the baby, her dad was reading the paper, and Melody was doodling on the floor. No one noticed Joan until she spoke up.  
  
"Hey, Mom? Dad? Mac's letting me move in with him, is that okay?"  
  
Her dad lifted his head from the paper. "How long have you been living here again?"  
  
"Uh...six months?"  
  
"Well, that explains why this house felt like more of a goddamn hassle than usual. The sooner you pack up and get your own life, the better."  
  
Joan gulped and nodded and trotted back downstairs to the basement. She typed slowly into the chat box.  
  
**Hyper Fangirl:** They're a little sad to see me go but they think it's best for me to go and try new things. :)  
**LittleBigMac:** that's great! how's your family doing anyway?  
**Hyper Fangirl:** Oh the usual. I'm gonna go start packing, kay? TTYL! :)  
  
The cool thing about internet friends is how much easier it was to look happy in front of them.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Joan only needed a couple of suitcases. She had big things to lug like her PS3 and laptop, but most of her junk was stuffed animals and fandom merch. She was so focused on packing her most comforting items, she  almost had forgotten to pack the necessities like toothpaste and underwear, and had to run by CVS to get them before arriving at Mac's place.  
  
She rang the doorbell, and there he arrived. Admittedly, Mac looked less appealing in real life than he did over Skype. His hair wasn't done and his skin wasn't clear, and his eyes looked ready to bug out of his skull. Not to mention his clothes were in dire need of ironing- Joan wasn't much of a fashion expert, but she knew what looked hot on _other_ people, and this definitely didn't.  
  
"Oh my gosh, Hyper Fangirl in the flesh!" he squeed, and Joan beamed. Hearing her screen name in real life felt almost more right than hearing her actual name.  
  
They hugged each other, a warmth something Joan hadn't felt in ages. Joan muffled into his shoulder, "I'm so glad to finally meet you, Mac!" She was looking forward to hugging him every day. Maybe they could even kiss every day someday.  
  
Mac smiled and took her hand, letting her drop her bags inside the front door before leading her inside. His house was kind of a mess, but no more than she was used to. She kicked aside an ice cream tub and followed him to the couch, where his laptop sat on the coffee table.  
  
"Almost all those messages I sent you came from this very spot," he grinned. "Well, except those that I sent from the bathroom." He laughed, and Joan chuckled with him, even though she didn't really get the humor. Mac was more erratic and harder to follow in real life, and it was harder to talk to people face to face. That's why she didn't have a lot of friends off the Internet.  
  
Oh god, what if he thought the same about her? If she wasn't that delightfully quirky fangirl he only saw through a screen anymore, was she really worth anything to him?  
  
"So what do you wanna do now?" Joan asked, hoping she didn't ruin things right away and have him hate her.  
  
"We can watch a movie!" Mac went to his movie rack and combed through the dozens of DVDs and VHSs he had. "Hey, Hyp-I mean uh...I forgot your name?"  
  
"Hyper is fine. It's the name you know me by, anyway."  
  
"Okay, Hyper, you wanna watch _Spider-Man?_ I know it's your thing."  
  
"Duh! You don't even have to ask." Thank god he was still bonding with her over fiction. It was her favorite way to bond and way easier than having to dig into personal crap.  
  
"Alrighty!" He popped the DVD in and sat back with her on the couch. "Man, Tobey MacGuire is really cute, isn't he?"  
  
"Oh, totally. Probably one of my first movie crushes."  
  
"Oh, mine too."  
  
Joan shrugged that tidbit off, assuming he meant as a guy crush, like how she had a girl crush on Carrie Fisher. She liked boys, so that totally didn't count no matter how sweaty she got over Slave Leia. It was probably the same for Mac.  
  
Yet Mac kept rambling: "You know, I think my ex-boyfriend didn't like these movies. If I mentioned them, he would just be like 'Okay' and I'm like, 'What do you mean okay? Just tell me you hate me, Freddy!' He really was a dick to me, I should go to his house and-"  
  
"Wait. You had a boyfriend?"  
  
Mac stared at Joan like she was crazy. "Uh, yeah. I talked about him a lot in our chats."  
  
"Really? I forgot."  
  
"Well, whenever I brought him up, you usually just ended up replying with a long thread about how you wanted a boyfriend, or how you loved your current boyfriend, or how you missed your boyfriend and don't understand why he hates you now."  
  
"Oh." Joan really didn't listen to Mac as well as she thought she did. Maybe she just liked talking to him and hearing him respond to her, since not a lot of people in real life listened to her strong feelings about media, and she forgot to care about his life in return. "So what then....are you like...gay?"  
  
"Uh, yeah Hyper, having a boyfriend when you're a boy usually makes you gay. Unless you're, y'know, bi or whatever."  
  
Joan didn't care to hear what "bi" was right now. "So you would never be able to like...date me, right?"  
  
"Nah, sorry. But if I liked girls..." Mac looked Joan over and grimaced. "We're still best friends though."  
  
"Yeah. Best friends." Joan felt like there was a rock in her stomach. She had hoped that since Mac knew her, fandom and all, anxieties in all, he would see something in her that would fill the void that she'd had since she'd been dumped. Heck, she'd had it before she'd been dumped, even when they were dating and Chris waved her fanfiction off as "not real writing", and mocked her interests, and made her feel like shit for not liking the same things he did. She and Mac liked the same things and now they couldn't be together either.  
  
Maybe no one was going to love her, with all her weirdness and stress and problems taking care of herself. If Joan wanted someone to love her, she was going to have to try extra damn hard to trap them into it.  
  
Of course, she couldn't do that with Mac. He was actually unattractive anyway, snort-laughing at the Peter Parker funky dance scene, and she only liked him because he knew her. Yet she barely even knew him.  
  
Oh well. She still had her little roleplay groups, where people could keep liking her for the way she presented herself online. People were less judgmental on there. There was always _someone_ who thought you were doing okay.  
  
As long as she could stay Hyper Fangirl, she would at least be okay.


End file.
